What is the Secret to Having Long Thick Relaxed Hair? Part One

The secret to having long relaxed hair is knowledge. It’s all about knowing how to care for your relaxed or permed hair for yourself and understanding your strands. Relaxed hair is processed with chemicals to make it straight or to smooth out the kinks in natural hair, once this is done a relaxed head will require a different level of care than natural hair, it cannot be business as usual for your new hair. The problem is, persons with relaxed hair have no idea what to do with their new hair and so they lose it…

I am used to going on the street and getting the question, is that your real hair? Everyday. The follow up question is usually- what do you do? I may attempt to answer the question but I realize that it would take a very long time to impart all that I know about hair care. I used to be a college lecturer and I had a system for my students, I went with the general concepts and then zeroed in on the specifics. I will be utilizing the same system here. The general secret to having long thick relaxed hair I will give in ten easy points:

  1. Low manipulation– Excess combing or brushing can weaken the hair shaft over time and cause shedding and breakage. The less time one spends combing their relaxed hair the better it will look.
  2. Infrequency of relaxing– I learned this the hard way, one Sunday my mother was washing my hair and a clump from the back of my hair dropped out in the bath. I criedย  for days because a whole chunk of my hair was gone. This was because I took the eight week relaxing time very seriously indeed and so the week after one of my frequent relaxers my hair had a tough time dealing with the pressure. Relaxers are chemicals, these chemicals alter the natural hairs curly pattern, if this chemical overlaps with a previously done part of the hair then you further break down the hair and this can cause serious breakage and hair loss. The prescribed option is to relax your hair just 3 times per year.
  3. Switching relaxers– This is a serious hair offense and probably stems from our scientific ignorance. Make a vow to yourself never to put anything on or in your body that you do not have at least a basic knowledge about and you will be better off. In my case, I studied a little chemistry, I actually wanted to do it as a first degree but changed my mind; I am still highly fascinated with chemical reactors. Most relaxers have a hydroxide acid base.
    If you have a bottle of liquid drain cleaner check the label. It contains hydroxide (sodium or calcium) which is very good for breaking down hair and other things; this is what is in most of your relaxers. If you overlap relaxers, the chemicals can break down hair faster than it should and cause serious hair loss. If you are switching relaxers make sure that the base chemical is the same.
  4. Conditionersblack hair needs conditioning. It is the best product that could ever happen for our hair, we need it like grass needs water after a drought. However, not all conditioners were created equal, some have ingredients to coat the hair shaft and others were designed to go deep into the hair shaft. Deep conditioners need heat to swell the hair shaft so that it can enter the hair and repair any nicks or scratches on the hair surface from within. On the other hand, regular conditioners coat the hair so that it is easy to handle and comb. They both serve a very important function in hair growth and retention and should never be overlooked. It is better for you to condition your hair than to shampoo it.
  5. Moisture– Many persons are unaware of the power of moisture for hair retention. Moisture serves several roles, a very important one is to make your hair supple. Supple hair does not break as easily as dry or brittle hair. A good moisture balance is needed to retain hair growth. A very good source of moisture for both inside and outside our bodies is water. If you are not drinking enough water your hair will get dry and brittle.
    Similarly, if you do not apply enough moisture to your hair it will get dry and break. Think about a piece of cloth left to dry in the sun with no fabric softener; the cloth will get hard, dry and rough. On the other hand fabric softener will not only make the cloth smell good, but it will make it soft and pleasant to touch as well. It is the same with our hair, the fabric softener is our figurative moisturizer. There are several moisturizers on the market we will explore them and tell you if they are good to be used. Important point to note: moisture is not oil!

Check out Part Two for more hair care secrets.


  • Lisa said:

    Great article!

    • Brenda said:

      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Jureen said:

        Just what i needed

      • shaquandra said:

        I really need help with my hair it was about at my rib cage then I got a relaxer it grew even longer but then I thought it would be better to stop and grow natural when I stoped my hair came out so bad now it’s at my neck how can I get it to grow longer and faster

        • Brenda Barrett said:

          Hi Shaquandra,

          Are you planning to go back natural or are you planning to relax again?

        • Saron said:

          Relaxers are perminant.. U can’t bring it back to the way it was..
          If u have thick hair.. Don’t worry, because it’s not going to fall off..
          And since ur still young u still have time for it to grow back.
          Good luck!

  • megan melville said:

    Thank you I am 12 years old and I was wondering would it be a good age to get my hair relaxed or permed. I would love a feedback please. Anyway to show my responsibility to my mom I wrote her an essay about perms and relaxers. Your site was a great source so thank you again.

    • Brenda said:

      Hi Megan,
      I wanted to relax my hair at twelve too. I begged my Mom but she said no. The truth is, my hair is better off now than it would be if I had put chemical in it at that age. I finally got the opportunity to relax my hair at sixteen and it stayed at the same length for years, I had no idea what to do with it and the ends kept getting thinner and had to be cut off. You see, I was not as well equipped to take care of my hair, high school was hectic and university even worse.

      Besides that, I had no idea what to use in my hair, there was no site around then to help me out. You have a distinct advantage, because there are so many places where you can get information on how to care for your hair. My advice to you would be to look at the hair regimens on this site, especially this one http://blackhair101.com/hair-care/hair-regimen-on-a-budget-relaxed-hair, look it over with your mom and check to see if the cost to maintain your hair is achievable every month/year. Apart from that you have to vow to take care of your hair or else you will lose it. In the meantime, I implore you to check out these articles too: http://blackhair101.com/hair-care/should-you-relax-your-hair-or-not and http://blackhair101.com/hair-care/lye-or-no-lye-understanding-the-chemicals-that-are-in-your-relaxer. Please take care to read the section on permed hair before you attempt it.

      All the best my dear.

    • paigeewaigee said:

      me as well thanks a lot my hair looks amazing now

      • Ishola gloria said:

        Thanks for the advice,but still got a problem with my hair,it was long and black then it change in just a blink of eye and it breaks daily,I need to know what to use on my hair and how to make it black again because it change it colour to brown

  • maggie said:

    Hi Brenda ๐Ÿ˜€ 4 years ago my sister she relaxed my hair and it falled off all I was ball for the whole year but now I have almost shoulder length and im breast feeding my son who is 6 month and my hair is shading a lot :'( I dont know what to do I live in Denmark in a very small town really small black people is only me,my mum and sister even the relaxer we do order thrue the internet African shops are very fare from us it takes like 6 ours with the train :'(. We all use organic olive oil relaxe. Denmark is very could I do seal my hair everyday with a hair lotion and coconut oil. Can I use costol oil the one witch I can buy on the food store. I do admit that I dont wash my hair that often maybe twice a month. Please help me I want to have long and health hair im tired of hearing my white friends telling me that we black people cant have long and health hair :'(

    • Brenda said:

      Hi Maggie,
      Most new mother’s experience hair loss because of the normalizing of estrogen. See this article here, Types of Hair Loss. The good thing about it, is that the shedding will stop after a while, the article Hair Regimen For Hair Loss, should be helpful. I tried the organic olive oil relaxer just last week. It is good. If it is pure castor oil- sure it can be used. Try to wash your hair once per week though, the scalp needs to be clean in order for you to realize meaningful growth, this is so, especially if you use oils. You can have long, healthy hair, just put in a little time, patience and best practices and it will grow. All the best.

  • Amanda said:

    Really great article for someone like me. I feel like my hair is nothing but a vicious cycle of: gets relaxed,looks really nice for about a month or two but then eventually gets really dried out and starts breaking off at the ends. I feel like my hair is not like most other blacks. each hair is just really really thin and frizzy and it seems like it never gets moisture no matter what I do. I hate dealing with my hair so I end up putting it braids or cutting all my hair off and trying to start from the roots again,

    • Brenda said:

      Hi Amanda,
      Everybody’s hair as its own little quirk. There are the general guidelines and then you have to tailor them to suit your particular hair, a friend of mine recently told me that her hair is a moisture diva and oils just don’t work for her, she has recently started using hair butters and her hair loves it. Maybe you can incorporate hair butters in your regimen and see how that works for your hair’s moisture level and condition.

    • Shakima said:

      I also have a problem with my hair breaking off at the ends,no matter what I do.I feel like giving up on my hair.

      • Brenda Barrett said:

        Don’t! Remember that your ends started of once as your hair roots. With best practices you can stop it from thinning out.

  • Abena said:

    I just started my relaxed hair journey. I want to know how i can grow ma shoulder length hair to bra strap

    • Brenda said:

      Hi Abena,
      A good place to start is with the hair regimens.

  • maggie said:

    Thanks for help Amanda I will try everything what your recommend all of us ๐Ÿ˜€ God bless you

  • Naomi said:

    Hi, this article is really helped a lot! Im 14 and im going to relax my hair again.(last time i relaxed my hair was a few years ago). I wanted to wait a bit longer but then i read somewhere tht your hair will break wen new growth meets the permed hair. so you would have to relax it again?

    • Brenda said:

      Hi Naomi, yes there can be breakage where the new growth meets the relaxed hair but you can check the hair breakage by slowly feeding the both textures with moisture and giving them some serious care. Here is an article that deals with that : 7 Tips To Take Care of Transitioning Hair

  • jazmyn said:

    Im twelve and my mom relaxed my hair just the other day because it eas to tough. All went well except the ends are still kind if thick and curly , everywhere else is straight. also i only had it done the other day and it is starting to slowly go back to normal. I am creaming it every day! Help!!

    • Brenda said:

      Hi Jazmyn, I hope you take care of your processed hair, follow the tips on the site.

  • esther said:

    hi brenda,
    my hair is relaxed and shoulder length now. how do i style it to look good and at same time protect it.
    i don’t like weaves,i want to care for my hair so that when its longer i will be proud of it.
    my goal of BSL. i am not asking for much but just some hair i can be proud of.
    i will be starting grad school soon and i want a flexible yet good styles.
    what do you suggest…….(buns are boring since i only get a little donut bun with my hair)


    • Brenda said:

      Hi Esther,
      I am not particular about weaves or buns myself. Have you thought about curly hair styles? They look great even when the hair is growing out. I rock a variety of them all the time. Here are some suggestions. Watch that space, I will be updating it soon with a few more styles.

  • Adanna said:


    my hair is relaxed, and pretty healthy, but I want to get thicker than it is now. When you say to only get relaxers three times a year, what do you suggest I do with it inbewteen then when the roots grow out to prevent breakage where the new growth meets the relaxed hair? What’s the best way to take care of it between perms?? Also, there’s alot of different relaxers but what base chemical do you recommend as best for hair?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Adanna,
      You can check out the hair style section, I promise to update it soon. There are some suggestions there on how to wear your hair between getting it relaxed. There is also an article on here about transitioning hair (the same rules apply)-http://blackhair101.com/hair-care/7-tips-to-take-care-of-transitioning-hair

  • Renee said:

    What about wrapping your hair at night, is it cumpolsory? Can you sleep without covering your hair ? If yes how do you recommend to put my hair before going to bed.

  • Renee said:

    Thank you! What do you recommend I o to my hair before going to bed? Braid it? Or just leave it loose?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      It depends on what hair style you want to rock in the morning. If you braid it, you will get curls. When you say loose, I think knots. Putting the hair in a slack bun after you moisturize and seal or wrapping the hair should give you silky, sleek hair in the morning.

  • Renee said:

    Thank you very much!

  • Amanda said:

    Hi Brenda,
    I relaxed my hair in May (I’m 13 years old) and it has been getting very thin recently. It’s getting very long but very thin at the same time, and I was wondering how I could make it thick. I’m getting very worried that I might lose all my hair, how do I stop it from breaking too? Will I still be allowed to use heat on my hair, and will it be able to grow longer? And also, I don’t trim my ends, should I? Thank you in advance! :3 oh and also what hairstyles should I wear to keep from damaging my hair any further, but still be stylish? I was hoping to leave my hair out, but I don’t know if that’s safe.

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Amanda,
      Some of the suggestions in this article like not brushing, avoiding heat etcetra can make a difference in the thickness of your hair. Using heat and too many products, relaxing hair too frequently can cause the hair to grow thinner and thinner over time. Just make some adjustments in this article and trim off thin wispy, split ends and your hair should do fine. If you keep your hair up and moisturized for most of the week, then a day or two of letting it out should not be a problem.

  • HELP said:

    HELP ME!
    i am 17 and i used to get my hair permed in this dominican salon. it wasnt a blow out it was an actual perm. idk what kind though they tear off the lables. but i want to switch to organics perms/relaxers and im unsure how to know if its going to damage my hair. do u know what i should do?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Yikes! can you ask them what is the name of the relaxer they used in your hair? Tell them you just want to know if it says lye or no-lye because you want to switch to a certain brand. If you can’t get an answer, I would recommend using no-lye from here on, its gentler on the scalp, the damage from switching may not be so bad with a no-lye.

  • Samantha said:

    Hi I had a question about your relaxer regimen. I’m interested in “tex-laxing” or letting my plain relaxers just “sit” w/o being combed through. My hair is very thick and coarse and I’ve never experienced a difference of thickness in my new growth. I would like to have less breakage/shedding w/healthier hair – I believe that just letting a regular strength relaxer sit for 10 minutes would loose my kinks while still allowing my hair to be easily straightened. I only put heat on my hair twice a month, I wrap at night, and deep condition about once a month. What do you think?
    Thank you!

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Samantha,
      Most of the people I know who have tried tex-laxing are either back to being natural or are fully relaxed. I was really interested in trying the tex-lax route myself, I even did it once but I met up on a couple of road blocks.
      1. When my new growth came in I was dealing with three hair textures. My new growth, the texlaxed hair and my relaxed hair. It was a nightmare for me because like you, I have thick hair.
      2. My hairdresser had no idea what I was talking about when I told her about the concept, so I decided to try it on my own. It took alot of trial and error to get the timing right to see how far to get the texture I was looking for.

      Despite all of this though, if you get it right and can stick to it, it is really a good way to have healthier, longer hair without breaking the protein bonds down altogether in your hair. A friend of mine uses Affirm Fibreguard Mild to texlax. She says it naturally under-processes her hair. Pls, do some research on that before you attempt it.

      P.S. Your regimen sounds good.

  • Kimani said:

    Hi Brenda,

    I’m 11 and my hair is relaxed and up to my belly but not as thick as I would like it to be I need to get it thicker ASAP please help


    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Kimani,
      Deep conditioning and hot oil treatments every two weeks will give the hair a thicker appearance. Also if you have any wispy ends cutting them off will definitely give the hair a fuller look. Castor oil is known to give hair body and bounce.

  • Penny said:

    my hair really looks great after a perm bt gets dry after a wash.i use head and shoulder to wash it n then apply live-in conditioner with setting lotion,set and air dry it then oil it wth conditioning oil.please advise me.i want my hair to get long.bse it keeps breakng because its dry

  • Cas said:

    Hello Brenda! I’m 17 and I transitioned for about 1 year + and relaxed my hair in December.(yep, 14 weeks)And I over processed it as it would have been my first relaxer.
    I was wondering if the next time I relax my hair, if I should under-process it maybe, to get thicker hair?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Cas,
      The new hair growing in, will be the hair that is processed. That part of the hair should be the only part processed. Try going for the regular time this time around or have a professional do it for you.

  • jojo said:

    hi brenda,should i opt for a relaxer or should i go for pressing my hair

  • jojo said:

    does amla hair oil grow hair.its said its a secret of indian women

  • jojo said:

    and 1 last thing,what are the best moisturizers for black hair, or should i just moisturize with organic oils;castor,coconut,amla,etc.

  • Shekinah said:

    I’m 14 and I relaxed my hair last year and its past my bra strap. Is there any way to grow it out to grow it out to the belly button?? I want it LONG! Thanx! Your article is great!

  • Riva said:

    hi is the a way to make my hair fly in the wind or make it loose…

  • Vanessa said:


    I normally have thick and healthy bsl type but I had somethins going on in my life that really stressed me out and my hair started falling out so bad. I had to cut in to my jaw bone it was so bad. That as early 2012.My hair has been growing jut not that much. I had recently (April 1 2013) had another baby and due to me wanting my hair back and the hair loss that has happened to most moms after having babies. I relax my hair but only 10-12 weeks. I started to take hair, skin, and nails pills this week and hope they work.

    What are some other tips you can give me for growing longer healthier hair???

  • mpho said:

    Hii brenda I am 14 I’m from south africa half of my hair is long and half of it is short I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to cut my hair I want long hair…help please.

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Mpho,
      These tips should help. Your hair will grow back if you cut it, don’t worry. Just take good care of it while it grows.

  • Raeezah said:

    Good day Miss Brenda I’m a little confuse about my relaxer (I’m 16 years old )I just wane know is it good to swap relAxer I first used dark and lovely I’m now using soft And free what do u think will go best with my hair DnL , SnF , motions , dr miracle or sunsilk plzzz help thank u very much !

  • Brittany said:

    Great article! I’m a 20 year old student and up until high school (when I started to care for my own hair) I’ve had a little past shoulder length hair. My hair still has its fullness luckily but now it’s very broken in spots & barely touches my neck. I get sew ins pretty frequently so I’m sure my breakage in the front is due to heat damage (when I flat iron my leave out) but I’m not sure where I’m going wrong with the other areas of my hair that have experienced breakage. What kind of regimen do you recommend for those that frequently wear weaves? I couldn’t possibly deep condition bi weekly. Help!

  • Alexis Young said:

    Hi I’m 13 years old and I have a relaxer in my hair. I was wondering, besides all of this helpful info, is there anyway another way to grow out my hair? My hair is medium short (comes down to my Brest almost) and I wanted it to go down further. I think long hair is gorgeous and beautiful, but me growing up I’ve been seeing clips of my hair coming out when my mom brushes it and its getting shorter. Should I only get a relaxer 3 times a year? And other tips? Thank you xx

    P.S one of my friends said that egg used as a conditioner will help my hair grow out. Is that true?

  • Ashleigh said:

    Hi Brenda. I recently goty hair relaxed in the eighth grade and i’m going on 14 now i was wondering how lonh i should have a relaxer in my hair. The reason to this is because my other cousins who are around my age are telling me that since i have relaxed hair i will loose all of it! I guess im just trying to avoid all the trouble of cutting off all my hair and trying to find ways to keep my hair growing, healthy, and away from breakage.

  • Ashleigh said:

    Hi Brenda. I recently got my hair relaxed in the eighth grade(btw I’m turning 14 soon). During the process of relaxing my hair my cousins around my age would always tell me “now that you have a relaxer if you want to go natural you have to chop all your hair off and you will be bald”????????. I am reconsidering the fact of having a relaxer but i really want to have one without worrying. I was wondering if you could tell me how i can have my hair grow longer(i have a short bob haircut),keep my hair from breakage and have it healthy and strong. I would also like to know how long i should have a relaxer in my hair until i should go natural again.

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Ashleigh,

      Your cousins are right, if you want natural hair again, you will have to cut the relaxed hair off or wait until your natural hair grows back. I doubt that you would be bald though.

  • Mos said:

    hello brenda,

    i am 14 years old and all the sides of my hair are shorter than the middle of my hair, so when i put my hair up into a pony tail, i am basically packing the middle part of my hair and have to clip the rest back. My mum says its because i stretch my relaxers, however i read its best to stretch your relaxers. I also have my hair braided quite frequently, after around two months i can feel and see the new growth but after, when i go to relax my hair it is still the same length, ive been trying to grow my hair for just over a year now and i dont see much improvement.

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      It is the braids Mos, not the stretching of your relaxers that is responsible for the thinning of your hair sides. I would recommend that you stop the braids for a while, gradually stretch between relaxers, follow a hair regimen on here and then check your length.

  • Alondra said:

    Hi Brenda,
    Im 14 years old my hair is just past my shoulders, i want my hair longer and thicker… Help plz, also i found that my hair gets oily around my scalp, but dry at the ends is that normal?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Alondra,

      You are not alone! Most of us go through the dry hair ends issue. There are loads of articles on this site about that.

  • Danielle said:

    Hi , this was a very nice article. I didn’t really have a choice on perming my hair cause my hair was to hard to even comb my mom couldnt take it and since then my hairs been getting shorter , but finally I found a lady that actually made my hair grow longer, but I’m wondering if you actually know any good products that I could use on my hair to make it grow longer faster without going natural again
    Thank you.

  • nafisat said:

    Hi brenda,how possible is it for me to get about 6 inches of hair in 4 months,what natural products can I use???

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Nafisat,
      Hair usually grows at about 1/4 to 1/2 inch every month, all else being equal and you are fairly healthy. There is no product that ‘grows’ hair. Hair growing is a natural biological function. Products help with the retaining of length and keeping the growth that you already have moisturized or proteinized. I am not going to say it is impossible to get 6 inches in 4 months but girl, if there was some miracle natural product that did this ALL of us would be on it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • rochelle miller said:

    Thx but i can never have my hair perm only 3times a year. if i did my hair would look horrible. so i perm my hair every 6 weeks cuz my hair grows fast and i just got it done a few weeks ago and its already thick at the roots. and i was wondering if perming your hair every 6 weeks is good. i also have healthy hair its thick but i want it to be thicker.

  • matoyha said:

    Hi Brenda, greetings to you i processed my hair last year june and it was thin but not as thin as it is now. i am now concerned about the hair breakage, the loss of my hair front and the extremely thinning of my hair. i read ur article and i think i didnt pay close attention to any of the five pointers you listed so i would suspect that i didnt care much for my hair. so now i would like to know what steps to take if i want to get the bounce back in my hair or i would have to close my eyes, stop my breath and just cut it short and hope that it grows back. looking forward to your response. Blessings!

  • colleen said:

    Hi brenda I am 14 years old african guyanese and I have been relaxing my hair since I was 9 years old and it has not moved from armpit length I realy want it to be boobs length fast but I have tried almost every thing but it don’t work can you please help me with a natural way to grow my hair fast (p.s I can’t cut it nether put in fake hair)

  • Wonuola said:

    Thanks for this very helpful article. However, I need your advice. I have very stubborn hair and a soft scalp and this has been a major issue when it comes to relaxing my hair. In short, my hair never relaxed since I was little. My Mum only put relaxed in my hair to make it more manageable. By the time I entered the university, my hair was a lovely multi coloured gold. I was advised to use Ozone relaxer when it first came out and for the first time my hair relaxed. With the continued usage of Ozone, my hair darkened and grew until it almost reached the center of my back, while retaining body and bounce. However, Ozone lost its authenticity and I was advised to switch to kit, the latest being “profective mega growth relaxer”, but my hair has only gone from bad to worse. It is now dry and brittle, full of statics, retains a relaxed state for only one to two weeks, breaks easily and barely reaches my shoulders.
    Would really appreciate your help

  • shinika said:

    my hair is still breaking off i don’t know what to do.please help me.

  • elaine said:

    hey Brenda I must say an eye opener for me, you have great info,just a little about my hair long black hair but ever since relaxed it breaks and breaks and no matter what I used it still break not knowing I was using the wrong products…what is the best shampoo/condition can you recommend

  • Chloe said:

    Hello, I’m 14 and I live in England. I don’t trust my hair dresser. She comes round to my house to relax my hair and I’ve only had my hair relaxed 3 times but this time I don’t think she took proper care of my hair. Firstly she didn’t use any vaseline like she did the other time to protect my skin, and then she put the relaxed on my whole head of hair (is this normal) when she washed it out she scrubbed my hair roughly and after she brushed it from the root. I lost a lot of hair but she seemed happy with it. I’m afraid now that my hair is over processed. It feels weaker than before. Because I’m the only one in my family with afro hair, I can’t get support from them. I live in a white area so I don’t know anyone with relaxed hair I have to get all my knowledge from the internet

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Chloe,
      Relaxing all of your hair after it is relaxed is not normal. Brushing hair when wet is a BIG no-no. Don’t let her near your hair again! Try to find somebody else who is professional to do your hair or practice doing it yourself. Arm yourself with all the information that you can and be your own hairdresser.

  • deneisha said:

    Dear brenda,
    my hair is thin and very light and does not look healthy my hair line is kind oof going back and i am considering going back natural i don’t no what to do can u help me. by the way i am only 13 years old plz tell me u can help me????????

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Deneisha,
      Going natural sounds like a great idea. This site is filled with tips on how to care for your hair, whether you want it natural or relaxed. Just read around I hope you find the information useful. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Naisha Grant said:

    Hi Brenda
    Just been looking at your sight and find it very helpful. Recently i have become very interested in hair and natural hair care products. My hair is relaxd but find its breaking and becoming kind of thin. I av been out and brought coconut oil and also vinegar…because my hair is about 10inc and thinning i dont like to havr it out because it has no body atall. So i always have it in a bun and have to admit i pull it tight and the front of my hair is breaking. I know that style isnt going to help but there isnt much i can do….kind of stuck on what to do next can you suggest anything. Also im sok scared to use the vinegar will it damage my hair in anyway cant afford to loose any more. And would extentions be a good break for my hair??.

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Naisha,

      Vinegar won’t damage the hair if applied right. I would not recommend extensions to give your a ‘break’. They literally will break your hair and make it thinner. To give the hair a bit of body, maybe you can do it in curly styles and don’t use any heat to dry when you wash and cut off the really wispy ends to give the hair ends a blunt effect.

  • Alese said:


    I’ve been on a healthy hair journey since August 2, 2013. I relax my hair every 12 weeks and moisturize and seal daily, wash and condition once a week. I’m experiencing breakage and I decided to use the Apohgee treatment and now my hair feels even drier. I’m so confused,as I’m trying my best to maintain healthy hair and eventually retain length. My hair is currently past my shoulders and it is growing, but now it is starting to break a lot. Can you please provide some advice and some products I can try, such as good deep conditioners and protein based shampoos and conditioners. I use hello hydration and it seems to work well, I’m not sure if its because of the season or what. I wear protective on a daily basis and do not use direct heat. I use hooded dryer once a week on wask day. Maybe I should cut that out to and just air dry. Please help

  • Tatyana said:

    Hi Brenda I have been through a hair loss problem for yrs every sine my adult cousin used her kids comb in my hair and I don’t know what to do I cry and cry because u feel that there is nothing I can do, I feel that I am being punished for no Reason can you please please help me?

  • Tiera said:

    Hi Brenda,

    My daughter is 6 years old and she has very very thin short hair.Its a light sandy brown so, u can see her scalp if i comb it into a fro, or i put it into a ponytail. It is also naturally curly so it even worse. I dont know what to do? Any ideas?

  • Rochelle said:

    Thx but i can never have my hair perm only 3times a year. if i did my hair would look horrible. so i perm my hair every 6 weeks cuz my hair grows fast and i just got it done a few weeks ago and its already thick at the roots. and i was wondering if perming your hair every 6 weeks is good. i also have healthy hair its thick but i want it to be thicker. Is there any type of food that will specifically make my hair healthier

  • ali said:

    Hi,I need help. My hair was very long, mid back, but all of a sudden it started to get really thin. I cut it and want to grow it back thicker. I use to have my hair open and it was thick healthy and gorgeous, now my hair is a shadow of its former self. Help!

  • Laurie said:

    Hello, I am of mixed race(African american,Italian,Irish,native american). I had relaxed hair almost all my life,stopped applying three years ago. Now I’m dealing with semi straight hair with kinky nape hair. It stick out when I put my hair in ponytail. it is not long enough to put it with the rest of the ponytail so what should I do? Should I relaxed it or leave it?

  • Gabbi said:

    Hi I’m 15 and I’m straightening my hair in May for the 1st time in 2 years. I currently have thick texturized curly hair that reaches the base of my neck. I trim my hair myself, and use all natural hair products. My only problem areas is one patch of my edges or my hair in the front is very thin and sparse. I compared to the other side which is thick. No other part of my hair is like that but that ONE part.What could be the problem?

    I was wondering can I still use the products that I’m using on my natural hair?
    Also I want to dye my hair for the first time ever in my life. My hair color currently is medium brown with reddish or golden highlights depends on lighting and time of year.

    My desired hair color is Ash Brown or Ash Blonde.I wanted to know if I should dye my hair first, then perm it or perm first then wait two weeks to dye my hair?

    Here is my current hair regimen:
    1. Spritzing hair all over and focusing on my ends with Diluted Apple Cider(leave in conditioner/conditioner)

    2. Massaging my hair and scalp with Olive Oil

    3.Sealing JUST my hair not the scalp with heated coconut oil.

    On Saturdays I pre-poo by combing my hair with a wide toothed comb going from my ends to roots. Then I put on a plastic cap and my satin scarf and sleep with it in.

    Sundays I wash out the oil using my Diluted Lemon Juice(shampoo) to get it out. I concentrate on using my shampoo on just my scalp,massage it into the scalp and let the water rinse the shampoo thru the rest of my hair.

    I deep condition twice a week. The first deep conditioner is usually on a Mon. is with heated Olive Oil and I leave it on for 10 mins, rinsing it out with water.The second deep condition is usually on Fri. in which I use egg white,mayo,honey and coconut oil, which I usually heat up in the microwave and stir. I leave this one on for 10 mins. and rinsing it out with water as well.

    Sorry about the long post!! ^0^”

  • juliet said:

    hi brenda!plz i need ur advice.My hair don’t grow anymore.It keeps breaking.So what do i do?I luv u article.

  • justine said:

    Thanks for this article, my hair has been thinning lately and i admit i haven’t taken care of it as I should have. but what products would you recommend to use ? (conditioners, shampoos, moisturizers, oils) what products do you use ?

  • Pam ella said:

    Brenda. I started my hair when i completed high school but cuted it completely again but i want to start again am 22 and a GhanaIan my hair is 1/4 inch now how do i grow it fast and what are the products to use i want it permed.

  • Teresa said:

    Dear Brenda, I am on medication and noticed that my hair have been breaking in the middle part of my head.I have been battling lupus and trying to keep my hair at the same time. I have had a relaxed for about 1 month I hate I even put the relaxed in because it didn’t help. I tried wearing wigs but they irritate me.Do I washes my hair once a week and conditions it. I curl it about twice out of the week. I really do need some guidance on my hair I got it cut short right know. Please help me it’s getting frustrated. Thanks!!!

  • Asia dryer said:

    Hi I’m 15 now and I have been struggling with my hair for a while. When I was younger my hair was literally at my neck and I look back at that picture and wonder how did my hair grow as it is to now and my hair now is like 2 inches past my shoulder. But it has stopped growing and frustrated. I’m trying to figure out what’s good for my hair. From reading articles and secrets to making your hair to a bunch of products to YouTube videos. I just don’t know. I’ve been told many things. I do need moisture I know that and I play softball too so that might have a role in my hair care. Idk what to do I condition it but I don’t shampoo because it strips hair but then I kind of want a clean scalp. All I want is THICK and LONG hair at least to my bra strap. Help please. I need to know a proper way to take care of my hair. My email is asia.dryer68@gmail.com. I’m trying to figure this out all by myself and it’s hard. I just need to talk to u more and have a better understanding on how to take care if my hair. Please answer so I can like chat with you somehow. Thanks

  • Denashia said:

    I have shoulder length hair,I’m 15,I get perms and want it at the end on my bra how would i be able to do it and what products do you require for me

  • lisa said:

    My hair was relaxed for 3 years and was looking good but now it got shorter, thinner and shaded. With a lot of split ends.I used tre-sme shampoo and condotioner but now amusing ORS mayonnaise for deep conditioning. Can u pls tell me what products to use on relaxed hair. I really want my old hair back.

  • Betty J said:

    Hi Brenda

    I relaxed my hair in January and I had to cut it twice due to the fact that the ends were really damaged its slightly above my shoulders now I was wondering what I could do to get it past my shoulders by january next year(Because I have a really important trip then)

  • America Bailey said:

    Hi Brenda im 19 struggling with hair problems I’ve had long hair since I was 15 and when I turned 16 I got my first weave just to try something new and I got it professionally done and when it was time to take it out my mom ended up cutting almost all my hair after a few months it grew out uneven an stopped at my shoulder length. After a while of trying to grow it out back naturally it didnt work so my mom put a perm in my hair also for the first time and all my hair fell out I cant think of any other way to grow it back out to my natural hair its all course and nappy now its not even thick any more just plain nappy and its only like a few inches long almost like a little fro do you have any suggestions on how to grow it back?

  • Yubi said:

    Hi, i’m from South Africa. I used to have thick hair 3-4 years back but it’s been falling out badly. My hair falls out from the root and is currently super thin and continues to thin. My hair length is perfect but my only problem is the thinning. I have no idea what to do,as i have tried various oils, and hair foods. Please Help. . .;-(:-(

  • gold said:

    Hey brenda.
    Nice article. Im confuse if i shuld relax my hair or not. Anyway we r blessed in my family with long hair. My mum relaxed my hair @ d’age of 10 i quess nd she mainttain d’hair fr me bt i leta cut hair wen i was 16yrs nd i ws maintain it without relaxer fr lik 3yrs den i relaxed it bt due to school stress nd me been applyin relaxer almost all Tym nd changing relaxers i lost my hair nd it refusd growin i cut d’hair again last yr june nd im tinkin of relaxin d’hair bt confus wether i shuld do it now or wait until my wedding day. Pls i need ur reply nd wat relaxer do u advice i use nd also shampoo nd conditioner den hw mny weeks do i stay befr applyin relaxer. Pls i will apreciate if u send me an email sexywezzygirl@yahoo.com or send me msg tru facebook ayesha lawi gold. Txs so much god bless ya

  • anna said:

    1m 15 and I want to go back to being relaxed I was wondering what regimen should I be on in order for my relax hair to grow? and I don’t want to use those fake moisturizers with mineral oil and petroleum do you have any good idea for moisturizers one without harsh chemicals and stuff?

  • Emilie 971 said:

    Hey Brenda, my name is Emilie, I relaxed my hair a while ago but now it starts breaking out and I really don’t know what to do because my hair grows fast but it but every time I relax it it doesn’t seem to get any longer. I need help!

  • kourtney said:

    Hi brenda
    my name is kourtney and I am 12 also and I just wanted to know like what products ould be good to use on my half relaxed hakf natural hair

  • kijahna said:

    hi Brenda
    I am 13 years old and I have relaxed hair.my hair is breaking really badly and the front and back and the middle of my hair is longer than the rest.I stop tying my hair at night .I don’t know what to do and my school opens in the next 3 weeks. what should I do

  • Rawann said:

    Hi Brenda,
    a month ago, i got a dark and lovely hair relaxer. the lady got 2 containers, cause my hair was unbelievably thick. How long does this last. I want to permantly go natural. The lady said if i stop relaxers, ill go bald. Is she lying or what? Im 13. My hairline is thinning by the way.

  • jamila said:

    hi i have mixed hair it relaxed but it works a little different it get get greasy so i wash it once a week i really dont know how to take care so do you have any advice that can help?

  • Shayna said:

    Hi Brenda, I’m 15 years old and I really really adore long hair but the thing is, my mom thinks she knows everything. I get a perm like after a couple of months or so. But my mom switches perms all the time. Also she uses extra strength and it burns so bad. The front of my hair is really short and breakage occurs , I have bad dandruff also and I feel like my hair is really heavy when I put oil in it I wash my hair every 1 or 2 week(s) I straighten my hair after I wash it and blow dry it out with a brush . Can you tell me what I’m doing wrong so I can fix it so I can achieve getting long hair?

  • amber Cody said:

    hi my baby is 12.months an her hair seems like its balding instead of growing what can I do for it she is African American.

  • Cindy said:

    Halla ur article is really so intresting iam a 16 year old girl on january 2013 my mom brought me Amla mouster and step 1 and my hair looked pretty beautiful most of people were talking about and it was growing on May i started to relax my hair with restore relaxer after that my hair started not to grow and then i loose it but i didn’t cut it down on june this year my Mom bought me sunsilk normal relaxer i used it and still it didn’t grow now i’m no longer relaxing but i want to if i use Amla relaxer and it mousters will it grow?? Plz help

  • jazmin said:

    Hi brenda love the article but i need advice on my its falling out and the cremewont stay in my hair plz help

  • Kerry said:

    I listened to your Ideas and my hair got shorter and thinner it didn’t work thanks for ruining my hair.

  • Roody said:

    Hello Brenda. I have relaxed hair. And I had a friend dye my hair a year ago. I want to dye it myself again. Any advice and how should I treat my hair so it doesn’t break?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Roody,
      What type of dye are you thinking of, a synthetic dye or a natural dye (like henna)? Are you planning to bleach the hair using peroxide and baking soda?
      Anyway, I am going to give you broad advice that is applicable to all of them. And that is, to use conditioner. After your dye job, use a good deep conditioner (protein and moisture balanced). Don’t skip this step!

      Be extremely vigilant with the conditioner. After you deep condition the hair, give the hair an apple cider vinegar rinse and then rinse with cold water. Yup, do all three things. This is to ensure that the hairs outer scales on the cuticle layer lie flat thus preventing a dry and frizzy appearance, and protecting the inner core or cortex layer.

      After a coloring job you going to have to be vigilant about not using heat and hair products and you’ll have to be vigilant with moisture. Coloring your relaxed hair involves another level of care and even then you may get some breakage, even with all the best care in the world. When I got my hair colored the first time I had it bleached at the hair dresser and I still had breakage. The breakage usually doesn’t start in the first month or so. It usually starts when the new growth appears.

      But then again, you have done this already. You know how it goes. Don’t skip the conditioner, ACV and then plain water step. All the best!

      • shaquandra said:

        Hello my name is shaquandra my mother started my relaxer when I was about 11 I thought it would be better to stop and go natural my hair has came out so bad it was about at my rib cage now it’s at my neck how can I get my hair back fast

  • Roody said:

    Hi Brenda. I’m back again. Lol. I have relaxed hair. I usually just wash my hair with shampoo but I I have decided to start a healthy hair journey. And I read about Cowashing I would like to know what oils would you consider putting in your conditioner to Cowash.

  • Natashca said:

    Hie Brenda! I’m 14 and have relaxed hair. It’s about shoulder length and even though it’s reasonably long, it’s not as long as I want it to be. I feel like it hasn’t grown at all but I really want to make it longer. I’ve tried almost everything possible, even attempted to chop it off because I think it will grow as long as my mom’s hair (Hers is natural, but it’s up to her mid back). Question is, how can I make it possible?

  • Kevasia said:

    Hi my name is Kevasia. I’m 15 years old. I have relaxed shoulder lengh hair. My haid is very weird because everytime I get my hair done (washed, roller set, blow out) it gets oily within about 3 days, my hair hasn’t always been like this but about a ear ago it started getting like this. I hate it because you know i dont have white people hair so I cant just wash it evrry day. This is so frustrating please help! I also have been stuck with shoulder length hair since I was about 11 or 12. My hair used to be longer but now it seems likebit just wont grow. I also hate the way it grows because it doesn’t grow evenly. My hair in the front is short but in the back its longer. It grows in like a upside down triangle pattern and i hate it. Sometimes I just want to shave it all off! Please help

  • Mariah said:

    HI my names mariah and i really want to have longer hair but its just hard to and my hair grow like every 2 years it seem like nd i want it to be longer is there any recipe or anything u can tell tht would help my problem

  • Kitty Bradshaw said:

    Hi Brenda, what brand of relaxer do you use?

  • Shamira said:

    Hello, Brenda I relaxed my hair in September on a Saturday and then the next day I washed my hair. But now my hair is dry. I’M using the Cantu moisturizer and the leave in repair cream conditioner. When I wash my hair I use olive oil shampoo & conditioner & the nutress protein pack. Admittedly, I do use my flat iron quiet often, but I have slowed down a bit. I’m in serious need of your professional opinion as what to do and not to do so that I can have thicker healthier hair & scalp.

  • Mariana said:

    Great article. My hair is relaxed, waist long and very thick :
    1 – i comb my hair once a day
    2- i relax my hair twice a year
    3- i ise the iron once a week or even once every 10 days
    4 – I was my hair every 2 weeks .
    If h want my tips or pics of my hair , just ask . ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Angel said:

    Hi Brenda I’m 10 and I relaxed my hair 2 years ago and none of it has fallen of I relax my hair 2 times every year and only my front hairs are soft and my back hairs are really hard. How long do you recommend to keep the relaxer in for.

  • Ayjha said:

    Hi I I am thirteen years old and I plan to relax my hair. I have hair that is about the length of my belly button. (I am part portuguese by the way) Do you have any suggestions?

  • Bria Simpson said:


    I got my hair relaxed on 12/11. If you don’t recommend the 8-week schedule, when should I get my hair done again?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Bria,

      I recommend stretching a bit, a twelve or a sixteen week schedule is manageable. Try adding four weeks to your eight week schedule and see how it goes.

  • Ms.Weaver said:

    Hi. I relax my crazy wild curly hair once a month with a non lye relaxer. My mom lets the perm sit for Ten mins my scalp all ways start to itch and burn. Then she uses half a bottle of neutralizing shampoo to rinse it out. Next she follows the next seven steps. Finally she blow drys it and adds a liquid moisturizer and presses it out with a flat iron. Next she sprays my hair with spritz and it really burns again. After two hours I still don’t like the results. What am I doing wrong? I want strong, healthy hair like when I was in high school.Plz help me!!

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Ms. Weaver,

      Tut Tut ๐Ÿ™‚ You are relaxing your hair way too often. Every month would make it 12 times for the year! That’s why your scalp burns. I would suggest that you relax three to four times for the year. After a relaxer surely there is no need to flat iron and blow dry your hair! And then spritz it! Check out the Hair Regimen section for some suggestions.

  • Abigail said:

    Hi Brenda,

    I’m 14 years old and I permed my hair at age 10, it was at a reasonable length when I did and it got longer throughout the years but something came up at age 12 so I went back natural and started braiding it, I still had my hair length at the time but my mother decided to cut it very short (about 1/4 inch over the head lining) and s curled it, the s curl relaxer made it grow fast too but I stopped when it got to neck length and decided to perm it again…my perms wasn’t really successful though because my hair fell off completely, it is about 4 inches in the top and middle and is about an inch in the back, I could almost say my hair stopped growing because it has been at that length for a year and a few months now with no changes….As for my hair routine, I wash my hair twice every 2 weeks and I treat it very often so I really don’t perm it a lot, just 3 times a year or maybe 4…I use multiple relaxers (just found out this is wrong) they are TCB, OLIVE OIL, DARK AND LOVELY, PRETTY N SILKY, MEGA GROWTH and a few more that I can’t remember….I really love my hair and I am desperately needing it to grow back to shoulder length or maybe pass that to back length…I have oily hair conditions because my hair sweats a lot but it gets very dry and trashy at times, well most times to be exact…I live in Jamaica so I guess the dryness occurs due to the results of the hot climate and the weathering conditions…I would really be happy if you could help me solve my hair crisis ๐Ÿ™‚

    PS-I had very thick kinki hair before I permed it

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Abigail,

      I started reading your post and was about to reply that it was the mix of chemicals that caused your hair to fall off and then you said that you found out that it is wrong. It’s true, mixing chemicals can damage your hair.

      Try to stick to one type of relaxer. Check out this article for the reasons-Lye or No-Lye Understanding the Chemicals that are in your Relaxer. Just do one thing. Since your hair is currently relaxed stay with that.

      You already relax your hair infrequently so I am going to suggest that you check out the Hair Regimens and adopt one that is good for you. All the best with your hair Abigail.

  • Aaliayah said:

    Hi Brenda, I am 13 years old i relaxed my hair December 12th 2014, and i realized my hair hasn’t grow much my hair is almost shoulder length i want know what can i use for my to grow cause all my friends in my class have longer hair than me they always provoked me , PLEASE i need a help can you answer me as soon as you read this ๐Ÿ™

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Aaliayah,

      Ignore your class mates and don’t let them provoke you! Now as it relates to your hair growth. Your hair grows at a rate of about quarter to half inch per month. So, it will take you a while to see some results. In the meantime, you will have to take special care of your relaxed hair so that it remains healthy. Check this article relaxed hair regimen and develop your regimen. Be patient, treat your hair with care and you will be fine. By the way, I love your name ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Aaliayah said:

        Hi Brenda thank you very much for your advice ????. My hair it is still above shoulder length ????. This week i am going to try your regimen . I really hope it works .i wanted to ask you a question. How often should i relax my hair? my mother and my hair dresser say every 6 weeks And when i am relaxing my hair should i use the children relaxer or the adult relaxer? And any time i go by the hair dresser to relax my hair she always cut my ends and then she says i have to cut it for my hair to grow is that truth? And thanks Brenda i ???? ur nane too ????

  • Danielle said:

    Hi, I’m 18 i relaxed my hair at sixteen it’s shoulder length now, but it’s breaking and getting really thin. It went from black to a brownish colour I. Right now I’m just weaving it so it could grow out cause I don’t want to end up ball please help

  • Justin said:

    Hi Brenda, I’m a male 17 year old high school student about to graduate soon and I’ve always wanted to change my hairstyle since Junior year. I decided to purchase “Just For Me” No lye relaxer kit for my curly nappy medium hair. Not sure how I feel about this but I plan on relaxing it today so I was wondering how i should keep my hair maintained and safe. What products I should buy because I’m completely clueless when it comes to taking care of hair. Please help me out if you are able to. Thank you.

  • Mia Myers said:

    Hi Brenda, I have had relaxed hair since I was in 3rd grade. My hair grew form above shoulder length to bra length in a couple of years but it soon after started to break( I was not nice to my hair back then). I am now 14 and my hair is just past bra length and it just seems like no matter how much oil I put on my hair its frizzy and the very ends seem really frazzled. Do you know anything that may help?

  • Ebony said:

    Hi, I have been relaxing my hair since I was 10 but I have found that my hair stays at mid neck length. I have not noticed any hair growth for a long while, what do you suggest I do with it to attain growth and thickness?

  • hope(hoppy) said:

    Hi! I relax my hair every 3 or 4 months and my hair colour is the same and soft what hair cream or relaxer can i use to make my hair thick

  • Karen said:

    Hi Brenda,

    I agree with you, the lesser you relax your hair the longer your hair grows. I used to relax my hair every month and I realised it was not going anywhere until I decided to relax after three months. The 1st month I let my hair be no plaits just treatment every two weeks; 2nd month maybe do conrows then the 3rd month I change the hairstyle, maybe weave. I use Mizani and it works for me.

    Sistaz: Most hairstylist don’t know much about hair-they are about making commission and we are lucky to have technology and sistaB who is giving us advice. One other thing, don’t allow them to comb your hair: after applaing the relaxer I tell my stylist to leave it for maybe 5min & then massage (following with the back of the comb brush)and leave it for another 5-10min then wash. I decided to give this instruction because I have a very sensitive scalp.

    SistaB, please let me know if I’m on the right path – I do the same for my 10yr old daughter. I think I started relaxing her hair at the age of 5 is this wrong. Her hair is shoulder length as well <3 ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Mimi said:

    Hi Brenda,

    Have you considered putting together all these topics into a book? (Just saying). I am starting my hair journey and today i trimmed off a lot of my relaxed ends. Last time I relaxed my hair was July 2014 so i am transitioning to natural for a while till i get health & length in the hair. I guess i feel that the natural hair would be easier to maintain as its stronger than the relaxed hair. What do you think? I want to also ask what relaxers you would recommend for relaxing hair whenever i decide to. Hopefully that’s never!!!

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Mimi,

      I have considered it. One day I might find the time to do it. Yes, I agree your natural hair is stronger than your relaxed hair. It sounds like a good idea. Maybe after a while natural you might not want to relax again ๐Ÿ™‚ Type of relaxers? I use Affirm.

  • Priana said:

    i am 14 years old and I’ve been getting relaxers since about the 6th grade my hair does good and bad from time to time but it really had been the same length for years! It started off perfect with body and complete fulllness but then once middle school hit and me being in sports it went down hill I am a year round athlete so the sweat and dirt , frizz and dryness is always messing up my roots and hair . My hair is just above shoulder length about the end of my neck and everyone says it is the worst stage . The back of my hair and my nape is very thin but the top isn’t at all I was thinking to get a bob cut for my hair because I feel that is my only hope. I get relaxers about ever 6-8 weeks but I’ve really been trying to hold them out every 12 weeks . I really don’t know what I should do. I like getting relaxers but not if my hair growth isn’t increasing . I need help and fast before its to late I really want to see results in my hair growth

  • Priana said:

    And also , what do you do to your hair when you wash it every week ? As in styles without using heat .

  • Jessica said:

    Hi am nearly 18 year old and I’ve been having my hair relaxed since I was about 11, I’ve had so many disasters with my hair with it fall out from it being over relaxed and from hair extensions. How my hair in bob length but it doesn’t seem to growth my hair just breaks off and stays the same length if not short. Can u advise anything for me please

  • Alannah said:

    Hi, i have had a relaxer on my hair sonce december and i can see the new growth at the top of my hair but im finiding it hard to style as i am using a curling wand everyday which is going to give my hair alot of damage and also the curls soon drop out . Im wondering if anyone knows a way how to get loose curls without using heat and of if my relaxer will still grow out when im using heat ?

  • Caejauna said:

    Hello. Hi I’m 13 years old. I recently about 7 weeks ago put a texturizer in my hair. I had an afro styled hair before. I love my hair… well most of my hair. My mom had a friend of hers texturize it and my mom feels that her friend mainly only texturized one part. The other half is still afro like. It feels like an afro and is shorter than the other side. One side straight soft and growing. But the other side is tough, puffy, and I feel it is breaking. I treat the tough side the same as I do the soft one which maybe why it’s breaking. My mom wants to relax the tough side. And put a little relaxer on the soft side. I don’t know what the results will be so I need help. What should we do with my hair. How do I take care of it properly. Thanks.

  • Allison said:

    My hair keeps coming out at the root and i don’t know what is causing it right now i am afraid to relax it i don’t know what to do can u help

  • Renee said:

    Hi, I’m 15 and I’ve been getting my hair permed every 6 weeks for about 6 years and in total of those 6 years my hair has grown about 4 inches (if even that much) with very infrequent trims and I’m seriously concerned. I recently started taking biotin pills, but not seeing much results. What can I do to help my hair grow more.

  • tamara said:

    Hi , IM Tamara Im About To be 15 and Lately My Hair Has Been Getting Thinner And Shorter. I Dont Know What To Do and Its Kind Of Embarrassing. Do You Know What Things Hairstyles Or Things I Could Do To Get It Longer And Thicker? When I Was Around 9 My Grandmother Use To Do It And It Was Longer And Healthy But Now That I Do It , It Has Stopped Growing And Its Thinner than usual. The Back Of my Head If Where Its Shorter Than The Rest. What Should I Do ?

  • Tamara said:

    Hi Brenda,
    I have been looking for articles to help to condition the right way but I have found what I was looking for. When I deep condition I usually do a follow up of using a rinse out condition. Can you tell me if this means I am over conditioning my hair? And if I just need to use one when I was my hair?

  • Monica said:

    Hello. I am 13 and my mom has been recently relaxing my hair. It’s been so long since I’ve done it because it resulted in me having hair loss as I grew older that I had to keep my hair in braids. Most ofthe time. But as you can see my mom gets my hair treated every two weeks. And she hasn’t taken me to wash it yet after several days. Now as I observe. I lost little aspects of my edges due to no moisture and realized my hair was below my neck but is up to my neck. I feel like those younger girls who don’t have hair anymore. Help!

  • crystal said:

    hi Brenda excellent article

    im 13 I relaxed my hair 2 yrs ago and I really need ur help my hair is short .in the middle of my hair is very short and the sides longer than the middle.. well I comb my hair with conditioner every day so plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help im tired of being bulled about my hair HELP ME PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  • Franchesca Perkins said:

    Hi Brenda, I was wondering do you have to be natural to get dread locks? Can one simply get locks with perfumed hair? Also, are box perms healthy for one’s hair? And if I were to go natural, do I have to cut my hair?

  • Jennifer said:

    I relaxed my own hair ( WORSE MISTAKE EVER ) your article was very good by the way I loved it. Well all my hair from my lower head fell of completely my hair got thinner and more sensible. My mom said that it will never grow back, is that true

  • Shari-ann said:

    Hi brenda I relaxed my hair and it was going well but now I’m going thru series of hair damages my hair is breaking and the middle of my hair has fallen out. What must I do??

  • Brianna Townsel said:

    I am 12 years old and my hair is relaxed and is not even to my neck and I have been doing the greenhouse effect every night and I have been doing this for about about a week with soybean oil is this good for your hair

  • Brianna Townsel said:

    mom does my hair and she just can’t handle my hair being natural with it’s thickness but I think she is going to let me manage it since I am turning thirteen but should I continue doing the greenhouse affect with soybean oil and I do use

  • Brianna Townsel said:

    Softee coconut oil grease

  • Bamise said:

    Hy Brenda,wat can I do wen a long nd full hair breaks,den hair setting nd straightening aw does it affect d hair in terms of breaking it?

  • Maureen said:

    nice one there Brenda all you have mentioned here is true

  • vickky said:

    please I relax my hair way too early. am thinking of going back to be natural.but m scared of my looks and my friends reactions. I really admire long hair,i wanna have it to myself. please help me out.

  • naomi said:


  • Harry said:

    I have a very stubborn hair and a soft scalp how can l solve this

  • molo kelly-vera said:

    hi Brenda am 19 and have been growing my afro since june 2014 and relaxed it three months ago but it didn’t relax in all areas. am about to relax again and I have fat strands of hair the hairdresser said I need to switch to a better brand that will suit my hair. should I switch? I also experience dandruff but my hair I’d very thick and grows pretty well.

  • shenikah said:

    My hair have been relaxed for a while at first I thought my hair would be long but it has been at the same length for a while now and I will like to know how to grow it out.. I would like it to pass shoulder length I tried everything.. please respond and help me

  • So_confused said:

    My problem is just something else
    I learnt the hard way too that relaxing everytime your at home from boarding school which are about every 2-3 months will get a lot of insults at school especially when someone’s shortest strand of hair is longer than your longest strand
    ..I started relaxing my hair either two or three times a year starting from last year and I see improvement
    My problem now is the products, I use
    ..olive oil relaxer
    ..mega growth shampoo
    ..and dark and lovely moisturizer
    I need help to choose which is better and which product to stick with
    …….think u can help……..

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi So_confused,

      How are the products working for your hair? If they work and you are seeing results then don’t change.

  • Sapphire said:

    my hair used to be.darker before i relaxed it and now it is getting brownblonde and is very thin, weak and double-ended.. a friend of my recommended Kรฉrastase treatment would it be good?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Sapphire,

      The relaxer or a combination of relaxer and products is leeching out the color from your hair. This is not unusual. I have never used Kerastase, I have no idea if it would be good. Is it possible for you to space out the frequency of your relaxers for a bit? This usually helps.

  • Angela said:

    Hi Brenda.
    I am 14 and I started relaxing my hair since I was 9. Because well my hair is a bit too much to manage it becomes realy hard to comb it and all. So we thought relaxing is the easiest route to go about managing my hair. The problem is that now my hair starts breaking
    and it looks realy dry and fuzzy. So I do not know what to do. If you could help I would be so greatful.
    Thanks in advance

  • Trisha Doolaram said:

    Hi, I relaxed my hair few days back and I would like to know what I can use to moisture it, thank you in advance!

  • abiba said:

    Hi Brenda I really need to grow my hair longer because my tribe doesn’t allow girls to add artificial hair to their hair.In this case I really need to get my hair grow longer so that wigs and other artificial hair shouldn’t attract me..now I am about to relax my hair after going natural for 8month.so please help me to care for my hair to grow longer in a short possible time.

  • Jennifer said:

    I’ve been trying to contact many people with a question and hopefully I’ll get luck here ! I relaxed my own hair at home and my hair was long up to my rib cage I’ve been relaxing my hair since I was 7 years old and after relaxing I realized I left it on too long and after I washed my hair a whole piece came out of my lower neck area I’m not bald anywhere but I just kept cutting my hair thinking it would grow back faster now it thin empty and all broken everything I wash my hair my hair is breaking and coming out like crazy I feel like it’s getting thinner and thinner one side is thinner than the other I dye my hair black with water based dye and I relaxed it about 2 months ago

  • tiffany said:

    Heyy i really wants to go natural but its very hard cause i already use to perm hair i really want to no if i perm and treat my hair will it grow

  • Ruth said:

    I have an question i’m From germany but i understand english and my question is how can i grow my hair i didn’t even now ab out my relaxed hair i’m 13 and want to See how i can See that my hair is healty and OT is trow that Shampoos Wirth sulfate are not good?

    Hope you will anser sorry Form may terrible englisch

  • Miriam said:

    Hi Brenda,
    Thanks for the tips.I have fast growing hair but evrytime it grows some inches over the shoulder blades, hair dressers snip it back up. How can I trim my own ends so that i can monitor my hair growth on my own?

  • Babel said:

    Hi… Do you recommend i bathe with my relaxed hair uncovered everyday even though i’m not shampooing?

  • Beverly said:

    Hi Brenda

    I just relaxed my hair last night after having to chop it all off because of poor hair care by myself and my former Hairdresser. Now am doing research and came across your blog which seems to have very good tips. What I want to find out is a daily moisturizing regime. The Hairdresser says I need nothing more than a little argan oil each night. But that is not a moisturizer. What I am unclear about is how to moisturize hair that is not wet. What do I put in my hair each morning or night to keep it moisturized? HELP!

  • Desaray said:

    Hi, I’m 15 years old and I’ve been relaxing my hair for a really long time and it never really bothered my hair. It was really thick and grew very well but about a year ago it just started to shed like CRAZY and I’m finding it a lot harder to keep it moisturized because it becomes dry so fast and easy and it is also breaking, so I decided to cut it just a little and tried to take better care of it but it just seems to be shedding and breaking a lot more and I’ve tried almost everything from hot oil treatment, staying away from heat, deep conditioning and nothing is working and it’s just making me really depressed and I don’t know what to do at this point anymore because my hair just continues to drop. Also my mom has my hair relaxed every 8 weeks I tell her that I think that I should stretch it but she wouldn’t allow me. Please respond, I’m really desperate for my hair to go back to the way it used to be. Thank you

  • Sophie said:

    Hi Brenda,
    I really don’t know what to do with my hair at this point. I tried to go natural and now my hair is very short and rough. So I decided to relax my hair again like I used to and take care of it more. My natural hair I don’t know how to take care of it because it’s too rough and fragile. Like one wrong hairstyle with tight braids my hair will cut. So I decided to relax my hair just like I used to do when I was about 11-12 and a 1/2. Now I’m 13 and have been going natural for 1 year now. At this point I don’t know what to do. I’ve used shear butter to help at times and different products, but since my hair is in braids I have to wait till I take them out to see the results.
    It would be nice if I got some help please.
    Thank you

  • Deidra said:

    I heard that if you take too long between relaxers, your hair will break off,especially if your natural hair has a strong curl pattern. But you recommend relaxing every four months. Wouldnt the hair snap at the junction between the relaxed hair and natural hair? What is the advantage to your method?

    • Brenda Barrett said:

      Hi Deidra,
      The advantage to this method is that you have an obvious division of the two textures. I hear you about the breaking, but that only happens if you don’t moisturize and deep condish frequently.

  • fatima said:

    Iโ€™ve been reading a lot of relaxed hair care tips online and I canโ€™t wait to start my hair journey. However, the only thing preventing me from starting my hair journey is my mum. Because Iโ€™m only 15 years old, I still live under the supervision of my mum. My mum doesnโ€™t buy into any of the hair care tips online and continues to damage her hair. Whenever I bring up the hair care tips Iโ€™ve learned online, she becomes offended. Is there any way I could make my mum at least acknowledge the hair tips online? Thanks!

Add your comment

You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.